there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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