hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
