he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
