Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
