How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
