I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
