so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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