thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I forget how to act sober
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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