Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
