Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
