if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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