He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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