we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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