Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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