Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
