you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
