Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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