this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
