she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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