Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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