So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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