Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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