omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
