New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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