Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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