i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
