I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
