i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
