I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
