Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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