u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
