I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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