They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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