My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
