i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
