you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
