how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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