she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
