I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
