She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
