Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The feeling are messing with the penis
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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