Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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