new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
