I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
