Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
