Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
