It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
