so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize