Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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