Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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