you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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