Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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