never play flip cup with pint glasses
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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