piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
