I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
