Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
